Hello dear readers,
I’d like to introduce the idea or concept of “I’ll be happy when…”.
We have been conditioned since young that getting a particular toy or eating a chocolate cake gives us happiness. And with the sub-message that we have to work hard (at studies or at chores) in order to be rewarded with a bicycle, for example.
Is it wrong?
Well, perhaps not wrong per se, but it means we have been conditioned by this outside-in misunderstanding – that the bicycle makes us happy; that eating a chocolate cake makes us happy.
This is not a good sign!
No amount of chocolate cake is going to make us happy. Nor the bicycle, nor the man/woman we have married are going to make us happy. If we keep insisting that a particular thing/person/situation makes us happy, let me clarify that it is an outside-in misunderstanding because it is only our thought about these things that makes us happy.
Let me repeat this for emphasis: it is only the principle of thoughts (what you think about that chocolate cake/new apartment/dream car/gorgeous man or woman) that makes you happy. There’s nothing wrong about that, as long as you are aware of it. That it is none other than your thoughts.
Once you gain this understanding, your expectations will be very different. You are not going to hold on to that particular thing or person for dear life. Come on, it’s only your thoughts.
Which brings us to a new concept: If it’s only our thoughts, we are accountable for it. We are responsible for it, not the other party.
That’s the key to managing your expectations. Achieving your goals is a good thing and it is a natural progression. Know that it’s only your thoughts about your goals; your thoughts about what you want. Therefore there shouldn’t be any attachment to the way things are – it’s just your thoughts about the situation.
When you are attached to a thought that “a particular thing makes me happy”, you may get possessive; be disappointed if things don’t work out; or even get angry. But once you can insightfully understand that it’s really just your thoughts, you can manage those unhelpful thoughts at source (i.e. yourself) instead of the actual thing itself (which is often not within our control).
Let this concept sit with you for a while and see if it ticks, then you will have this inside-out understanding. What it means is that:
- You have clarity;
- You are accountable for your own life;
- You are in control of your life; and most importantly
- You are out of the hamster wheel.
This leads me to the topic of the next blog post, which is about ‘attachment’. It is a big topic. In the meantime, go with the flow and I’ll post again soon.
Keep well,
Nancy
nancyho@therevolutionarycoaching.com
