In my last video, I talked about ‘cultivation’, applying ‘kind’ and ‘loving’ to whatever you think and feel. When you deliberately cultivate loving kindness, you are feeling good about your own thoughts, and thus there is no room to be negative. Even if a negative thought should come (because we are creatures of habit), it won’t rub off too much or too badly on you.
One of my clients claimed that her partner had been emotionally aggressive towards her, even to the point of “attacking her” (I quote her verbatim). It has developed to the point where she had to physically excuse herself from a restaurant, etc, whenever such episodes happen.
It is my job to help her sort out her thinking, to determine whether her thinking is really accurate. How much of her misery arises from her thoughts and how much is really attributable to her partner?
A question I would ask her would be, “What are the benefits for her partner to do that?” Granted, his approach and method of communication is not ideal, but what is his intention?
What are the benefits for him to make sure that you are doing exactly what he wants? Whenever you face a situation where people are not nice to you, stop and ask yourself, “What are the benefits?” Often, you will find that people that care for you – there are no benefits for them to be un-nice or aggressive towards you.
Once you determine there are indeed no benefits, your mind, including your subconscious, will find it easy to drop the topic and mentally move on.
Thoughts influence your feelings, and your feelings influence your actions. So always ask yourself whenever you are faced with any situation – “what are the benefits?“. You can use this on yourself too, whenever you are thinking through something.
Also be mindful of your own intentions. What are the intentions of others? What are your boss’s intentions? Intentions hold a lot of power. Use them wisely.
Think with intention,